Internet Hate Machine

September 24, 2009

whenever im depressed about life, when ive lost hope in humanity, i turn to the internet to rejuvenate my faith in the common man. also the internet has porn.

and when im not rejuvenating (one way or the other) i enjoy to watch youtube clips, so much so that i made my own account. after a long time i finally summoned the courage to make a video, a terrible, poorly rated video. i took scenes from the red dawn and the intro of two and a half men, mixed them together into a Frankenstein of a video.

a week after i posted the video i stopped checking it, today i noticed that it had a few comments. i find this…

1 a

2 a

3 a

i can rest easy now, everything is resolved. life is happy again. good night everybody.

never save as a .jpeg an then color a picture

never save as a .jpeg an then color a picture



Now with a title, BLOG

September 19, 2009

dear everyone,
I know you all love kanye jokes, i do too. hell ive made over 45 of those jokes today. but this joke is special, we must work together to keep it fresh. so i implore you, please stop making kanye jokes! also tell your unfunny friends to stop! for the love of god please.

that being said,

the song “up-town girls” is about me.

cartoon network has a new thing called “cn real” which is just normal real life tv. i feel ripped off.

i got into playing pokemon again, my grades have already stated to decline.

I keep putting sunflower seeds into my water cup. damn it to hell.

derek said that if i was a “king of the hill charater, i would be hank. That was the nicest thing he ever said to me.

one day when i went to give palsma, they where playing “final fantasy advent children” on the tv. even i thought that was gay.

well thats it, thanks for…

“Hey, Wesley
I’m happy for ya, and I’m gonna let you finish but KYLE is the best blogger of all time!”
MTV Video Music Awards Show

td:dr i watched the actual kanye video, not as funny as i thought it would be.


Happy 44 views.

August 29, 2009

Dear faithful readers (kyle),
August 26 is a day that will live in in-famous-y. I hit 44 views. This is a huge day in my blogging life, sort of like my blogging bar mitzvah. I am a blogging man.
I would like to thank all the people that got me here.

Kyle Irion – http://ironkyle.wordpress.com/

Katie McCann – http://pantspantsnopants.wordpress.com/
(not the cat)

also others…


The One, the Only, MJ
(R.I.P. MJ, the world will never forget your music.)

In conclusion,
I’ve decided to give my readers a gift, for all the faithful service.

Here it is!



Check out the alternate ending!


tl:dr just look at the pictures.


Holy Honkys

August 24, 2009

my girlfriend wont stop playing video games. i realize that not many people have that problem, and because its so rare i should feel special. but it still sucks shit nuggets.

every parent that lets their child cry in a public place for more than a minute, deserve a ticket for disturbing the peace.

dear old people,
i know its strange and frighting, but young people have tattoos and piercings. either get use to it or get to dying.
love wesley
(i am fully aware that old people will never see this)

Tattoo Ideas
two words; pokeball nipples.

a tattoo of something i fell very strongly about

and i thought this was cute

i think my job would be alot more fun if target was haunted.

My phone wont hold a charge for more than a day, i’m doomed to have dump-tastic phones.

there is an old lady at target that will always give me glasses cleaner, she always slips them into my hand as if its some sort of secret. i like to think she is slipping me top-secret documents. im like a more sweaty james bond.

there is nothing to eat in my apartment. ill have to wait till my girlfriend leaves more food in the fridge.

i just beat “Ghostbusters the video game” and i can safely say, busting, does indeed, make me feel good.

tl:dr im not really a supporter of the nazi party, like that tattoo joke suggests. im just a silly billy.


The Art of Cool

August 12, 2009

Have you ever seen that movie “Be Cool”? After I watched that movie I was worried about my own coolness level (I was so worried that I didn’t even pay attention to the movie, except the part where the rock slapped his butt and made noises for quite a while). Now i know what your thinking, “Where is he going with this?” and “Stop reading my mind”, and you know what I say to that? “Shut the fuck up, and let me finish the Damned Blog, jeez.” Anyway I took the Jane Goodall approach, and lived among the young people to learn their ways. I dressed up in “cool” clothes and when to the local mall. After years of research here are a few excerpts from my study journal…

Wesley’s Study Journal of the Young and Unbearably Stupid

October 26, 2007
3:36 pm

The leader has finally accepted me into their Clan!!!! The leader, the one I call “Giant Douche”, asked if I wanted to “Squat my Load” at the table (Lord, I hope that just means to sit down). He asked me “how’s those balls” (Translation: Whats going on, Whats up). I said that I was “frozen” (I am fine) and “Whats your knuckles like” (How are you) to which Giant Douche replied “Bitches be text’n” (Bitches are Texting). Then Giant Douche’s friend “Smaller Douche” spoke up. Smaller Douche said “Evil Cloth, Fornicator” (Nice shirt, Buddy), I was wearing my shirt with Carlton from Fresh Prince being brutally murdered on the front of it. I said to Smaller douche “10-4 homey”. To my dismay, every one at the table stared at me and I ran off crying…
sigh… back to square one.

Trendy language facts:

-The word “butt” is used interchangeably with any describing word.
ex. “Her dress is very butt.”, “My butt feels like butt.”

-The word “Fantastic” is replaced with the word “phantasm”
ex. “That movie was phantasm.”, “phantasm, class is over.”

-“Super naked” just means regular naked

-“Ba-bang-a-tang” means “a orangutan that sells marijuana”

-a “stinky” is a homeless person.

What a wonderful 5 years of my life. Scientist are using my finding to make a potion that will automatically make you cool, or kill all the children, one or the other.

tl:dr Children are sacks of shit



August 6, 2009

kyle has been harassing me to up date this. at first it was a little comment here and there, but now hes posting on my facebook, MY FACEBOOK. thats like breaking into my house and leaving a letter on my bed side table. its kind of like he wants you to know he was close enough to kill you/molest you but chose not too.

but you know me (and you more than likely dont), i dont respond to terrorism. so this is not a blog at all. dont read it. dont tell your friends. and you kyle… you should be ashamed.

dl:dr this isnt a blog, move along.


Guest Blogger

July 19, 2009

Why Men are Better than Women

“I love the feel of a butt.”